DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Monday, July 27, 2009
True incidence in UNO Meeting ....
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.
A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. 'And they say Kashmir belongs to them
A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'
The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. 'And they say Kashmir belongs to them
Never be a Developer :(
Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester)
Murugan (Developer)
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Roshan D'Mello: Hey Murugan, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.
Murugan: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.
After 2 days,
Murugan: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.
After another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Tamilselvan is not getting the sound.
After another 2 days,
Murugan: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Tamilselvan has Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Tamilselvan's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is Different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but My colleague Tamilselvan who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.
Murugan: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do You expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform?
Please close it.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep Sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces Beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces Sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines..
Another 2 days later,
Murugan: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the Volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both The machines before I get mad and then close the bug.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug.
Murugan: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?
Roshan D'Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.
After 2 days,
Murugan: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.
After 1 year
Roshan D'Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same Acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.
Murugan: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the Sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.
Roshan D'Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
Murugan: ??
Result-----------------------
He is now in mental asylum while Roshan D’Mello has become QA Manager.
Murugan (Developer)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roshan D'Mello: Hey Murugan, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.
Murugan: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.
After 2 days,
Murugan: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.
After another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Tamilselvan is not getting the sound.
After another 2 days,
Murugan: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Tamilselvan has Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Tamilselvan's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is Different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but My colleague Tamilselvan who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.
Murugan: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do You expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform?
Please close it.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep Sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces Beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces Sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines..
Another 2 days later,
Murugan: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the Volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both The machines before I get mad and then close the bug.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug.
Murugan: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?
Roshan D'Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.
After 2 days,
Murugan: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.
After 1 year
Roshan D'Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same Acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.
Murugan: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the Sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.
Roshan D'Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
Murugan: ??
Result-----------------------
He is now in mental asylum while Roshan D’Mello has become QA Manager.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Computer Dependency Test
TEST YOURSELF
Computer Dependency Test
Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become
way too dependent on our computers.
Q: How Many Legs You Have?
To find out the answer, look down...
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.Look down, not scroll down!
Computer Dependency Test
Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become
way too dependent on our computers.
Q: How Many Legs You Have?
To find out the answer, look down...
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.Look down, not scroll down!
Friday, July 10, 2009
We can't do this ever because we have brains!!!!!!
It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready! * Steady! * Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol , all eight girls started running .
Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'. All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked . Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium. Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!
YES. This happened in Hyderabad [INDIA], recently!
The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally Challenged.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not felt far behind. This is really a great message... spread it!
Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready! * Steady! * Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol , all eight girls started running .
Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'. All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked . Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium. Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!
YES. This happened in Hyderabad [INDIA], recently!
The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally Challenged.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not felt far behind. This is really a great message... spread it!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
INTELLIGENT COUNSEL
While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.
I'll definitely be using that!"
******************** *********************
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls
Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong,
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it's Manmohan Singh!"
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.
I'll definitely be using that!"
******************** *********************
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls
Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong,
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it's Manmohan Singh!"
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Defenitions
1.Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2.Construction Manager is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
3. Controls Manager is one who asks if the baby is in the budget (and if it saves money to adopt).
4. Project Engineer is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
5.Instrument Engineer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
6.Process Engineers are the ones who think at eight months into the pregnancy that the baby's sex is wrong.
7.Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
8. Structural Engineering is still figuring out how to produce a baby.
9.Procurement buys condoms by mistake.
10. Planning Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
11. Doc Control Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
12.Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the process to produce a baby.
13. Mechanical people don't care...they just want the woman!!
2.Construction Manager is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
3. Controls Manager is one who asks if the baby is in the budget (and if it saves money to adopt).
4. Project Engineer is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
5.Instrument Engineer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
6.Process Engineers are the ones who think at eight months into the pregnancy that the baby's sex is wrong.
7.Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
8. Structural Engineering is still figuring out how to produce a baby.
9.Procurement buys condoms by mistake.
10. Planning Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
11. Doc Control Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
12.Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the process to produce a baby.
13. Mechanical people don't care...they just want the woman!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Women's Are Great..!
WOMEN' S REVENGE
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" I asked, after folding up the
items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you
always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, but my
husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the
most evil thing I could do to him legall y."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN - (FROM A MAN 'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand
how you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
The wife said "See".
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don 't know how you can be so
stupid and beautiful all at the same time. The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be
attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you
get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our
coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around
here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can
just wait for my coffee." The wife replied, "No, you should do
it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me " The wife
fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that
the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake
me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew sh e would find it. The
next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece !!!!
"Cash, cheque card or charge-card?" I asked, after folding up the
items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I
noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you
always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, but my
husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the
most evil thing I could do to him legall y."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN - (FROM A MAN 'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand
how you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
The wife said "See".
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don 't know how you can be so
stupid and beautiful all at the same time. The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be
attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you
get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our
coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around
here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can
just wait for my coffee." The wife replied, "No, you should do
it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me " The wife
fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that
the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake
me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew sh e would find it. The
next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped
for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece !!!!
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